Here’s the long and skinny.

My last update here was in November. Of 2014. And it’s now 2015, and I don’t have squat on here.

Unacceptable? Maybe.

In my last post, I mentioned how my job went nuts. And it seriously did. There was a lot of pressure on me to be there at every moment that I could. It was stressful, and as much as I loved it, it took a lot out of me.

And then my laptop bit the dust and everything blew up. And I mean blew up.

See, without my laptop, I was running out of options on how to edit/show photos at work. I was having to try and troubleshoot how to upload photos to the company’s server. It was as if I was hitting roadblock after roadblock, with no real sunshine over the next hill. And it was all on me because I was the only one there.

I cracked. I cracked so hard, and most people didn’t even realize it. I just silently drifted away from everything, because the idea of having to handle just one more thing was like adding another weight to my body while I was trying to float in the ocean, holding on to anything for dear life.

I’ve since left that job. I left it sometime in March. And life hasn’t slowed down. There’s been a lot of major changes, but the biggest one is the husband got a new job. And we’re relocating.

Halfway across the country.

And, please believe, it’s for all the right reasons. It’s a blessing in the biggest way possible. But it’s also terrifying, stressful, and just…a lot of words/emotions I still have a hard time getting out. But we manage.

So, I probably still won’t be updating all that much. But with me not having a JOB job at the moment, there’s a chance there will be more updates. You never know.

Keep the positive thoughts coming at us, though, because I desperately need them.

Cleaning the cobwebs.

Holy crap. O.O

My last blog post here was in July. I don’t even know what I’m doing with myself.

Actually, yes I do.

See, my job went nuts. Really nuts. I’ve been focusing on my photography hardcore, ontop of working 7 days a week. I literally have 5-7 days off in one month. With every fiber of my being, I want to say that I hate it. But, God, I love what I do. The babies, the photos, the people, most of it is great. (Notice how I don’t say all of it. Please believe, not ALL of it is rainbows and butterflies and unicorns.)

This is my attempt at a heartfelt apology, but I feel like it sounds more like an excuse than anything else. Ugh.

Just so you know, I haven’t forgotten. It’s just that finding the time to be able to do all of this is easier said than done, and I’m one of those people that keeps filling her plate without thinking. Yes, my eyes are bigger than my stomach and yes, this is why I’m not allowed to buffet-style restaurants.

I’m still making things, like this spinach and artichoke dip in my itty bitty little slow cooker that is SO CUTE I JUST WANT TO SQUEEZE IT.

And also this turkey hat I made for a tiny little boy I haven’t met but I can honestly say he’s too cute for words.

I’m HOPING I can find the time to be able to post more things here, like recipes and craft projects (like this wreath I made after seeing Nina’s and the need overtook my senses).

Don’t mind my door that desperately needs to be repainted.

I really enjoyed posting on this blog. I enjoy having my time to sit and relax and share things I like and dislike. I just really need to learn about balancing time, energy, and insanity before that can happen.

Kids, bows, and life.

Hope everyone had a great Independence Day! The husband and I were empty nesters for the day, as all the kids went off in different directions with different family members. It was lonely and awkward, but nice that we were able to enjoy things without the usual freak out of “WHERE’S _____?” We got to see our local car show, bar-b-q with some friends, and watched the fireworks.

Now, we have 1 kiddo back and are anxiously waiting for the remaining 3 to come back this afternoon. We have a lot to prepare for during the rest of this summer, one taking the highest priority. The kids would argue it’s our trip to the zoo, but for me? It’s our family photo.

The last family photo we did was when Gabe was only a few months old. We’re overdue. Gabe and daddy have their shirts, I have my outfit, and the girls all have matching dresses because YES I’M THAT PARENT. I also decided to get a little crafty and made them hair bows to match their dresses.

It felt SO good making these. I haven’t made bows in a while, and by while, I mean years. It’s also been a long time since I’ve done something solely for me and what I wanted to do. It’s like lately I’m doing everything for everyone else. It’s exhausting.

Anywho. I hope your holiday weekend was filled with family, friends, food, and fire!

It’s been a minute.

And by minute, I definitely meant a couple of months.

I really, REALLY apologize.

I’ve been extremely busy with work. I’m officially the only photographer at my job right now, so it’s pretty hectic with my work schedule and the husband’s work schedule…I can’t even begin to explain how insane it’s been.

I’m going to try and get on here more, I promise. I try my hardest to make it on here really quick when I get a comment on anything, so I HAVEN’T forgotten you!

Thank you, all of you, for letting me go on a hiatus without too much worry. I greatly appreciate it. 🙂

I’m so sorry…

I feel like I’m disappointing the *gasp* 33 people that have taken the time to subscribe to my posts.

I hate that.

I can’t even use the excuse that I’ve been busy, because while it’s true, I’m not busy enough to take a few minutes and check things out here and there all on the interwebz. I just honestly don’t know what’s going on with me. I even tried something new the other day and so desperately itched to grab my camera to prepare a post but then…just…cloudy. Dark cloudy madness seeped into my mind. 

“No one even cares anymore.”
“Don’t do that awkward show up and leave again thing.”
“It doesn’t matter.”

And it sucks. Because I made homemade strawberry jam and I was SUPER proud of myself.

I’m going to try. Really. I want to put forth a conscious effort towards getting back into the swing of things, because…well, to be honest, I don’t have many friends. I like the idea that I could meet people through this. It’s a comforting feeling.

But, I’m sorry. 

I can’t.

I don’t know why.
There’s a block in me, somewhere. I can’t see it, but it’s there.
I don’t know where to go, what to do. I’m lost in my own world.
I’ve alienating myself from a lot. I need to find myself again.
It’s not easy.
I don’t know why.
I can’t.

It was my birthday last Tuesday. Our anniversary is this Tuesday. The Tuesday after that is the husband’s birthday.
I need to pull myself together. Somehow.

What’s going on in the Ninja house?

A lot.

A lot is happening. I don’t even know where to begin, honestly. Not at the beginning, because..well, I forgot where the beginning even was.

But let’s hit some highlights.

The husband scored this awesome vintage light fixture. Apparently, it came from Italy, way back in the day. It managed to get sold at an estate sale, and someone picked it up to put in their home as they were remodeling. Said someone is also now having to sell his home due to the building of things, so we got it for $20! The husband did a GREAT job with this one. I was super impressed.

I have my own project in the works for our bedroom that will, hopefully one day, be completely redone. But you won’t get to see said project until it’s completely finished. Sneak peek, though?

Life has really got a handle on us, what with work schedules and kids and working said work schedules around said kids and…it’s nuts. Plus, we just began our journey down the wormhole that is 2005 Doctor Who.

I’m not sure we’ll make it out unscathed, but here’s to the journey!

It’s finished! *squee*

There’s been a project in the long works in the house. It’s literally been the better part of 2 months or so before we finally got it done. But it’s finally finished. *happy dance*

Here’s our sofa table. We got it for free via Craigslist *SCORE* and it was always okay. It was never really us, but hey, it was FREE. Come on, now. Priorities.

Anywho, here’s how it looked in our living room.

See what I mean? Everything’s already so neutral. We needed a good statement piece, and the table just SCREAMED “DO ME!” … -insert schoolgirlesque giggles-

So, after many, MAN hours of stripping the laquer, sanding, painting, sealing, sanding and repainting after the first seal left white patches all over the place, getting a new bottom board cut, realizing it was cut wrong and having to recut it a few times, it’s FINALLY finished and in our house.

And it’s beautiful.

Yes, I realize the photo is pretty yellow. Yes, I realize there’s empty slots in the photo frames.

BUT OH MY JESUS LOOK AT HOW PRETTY.

AND AND AND!

This little girl is SEVEN today! When the eff did that happen?!

Happy birthday, Selena! You’ve come SO far, and your journey isn’t even started. We’re SO proud of you baby girl!

I’m in a rut.

I’m stuck.

I’m in a place that lacks creativity. It’s boring, tiring, lame. It’s like this white expanse of nothingness.

And I don’t know how to fix it.

How do you toss paint at the bland walls of a metaphysical to bring more life to the space?

I’m stuck.

I’m in a rut.

And I don’t think there’s a way out right now.

Three cheers for stuff.

I posted a status the other day on my Facebook, one that I’m not budging on.

Okay. I need to get this off my chest.

1. Taking a selfie on your phone and throwing an Instagram filter on it doesn’t make you a photographer. Not in the slightest. Not at all. Claiming such is…I can’t even. Literally, I can’t even. There are no words to describe the fail in your thought process.

2. Yes, photographers are expensive. Yes, there’s probably someone that’ll do your images for cheaper. But, let’s be honest, people. Some of the photos you’re wanting to get are once in a lifetime. Newborn sessions, your wedding day, these aren’t things you can just redo in a few weeks/years if you don’t like them…well, maybe the wedding thing. Maybe. But still, are you willing to sacrifice priceless images for the sake of a $20-$50 difference (or more) by using a fauxtographer? One that makes your images look flat, dull, poorly cropped so that when you print they cut off key points, overexposed, underexposed, badly composed, etc.? 

A real photographer puts time into their art, and they’re still learning each and every day. They work and work and work, striving every single day to be better than yesterday. They look into an ample amount of things to get something right just once, if at all. They invest their money into great equipment that they learn to use correctly. They push themselves, know no boundaries, and want to give you the best possible. A fauxtographer? They pull out their point and shoot, charge you $20, throw a terrible vignette on your image and give it to you out of focus. Or, hey! They might have a DSLR! Great! But do they know how to work it? Do they know the ins and outs of that camera? Do they know how to adjust the aperture, ISO, and shutter speed to produce the best image that can possibly be done? 

*sigh* I’m not directing this to anyone in particular. I’m not trying to call anyone out. I’m just..I’m so frustrated that a new fauxtographer pops up every night, making $20/session for horrible snapshots while I keep trying to learn and push myself for better before I’ll even consider doing anything professional solo.

/end rage status.

Seriously, guys, I can’t stress this enough. I’m so over it. I couldn’t ever fathom paying $20 for newborn photos and being so let down. Ever. My kids are so much older now, and I almost regret starting later with the photography learning.

That being said, I felt like I’d be a hypocrite posting a status like that without getting my own ball rolling. So, my loving, supportive, caring, amazing husband gave me an early Christmas gift.

This is the Intuos Creative Pen Tablet by Wacom. I first heard about these on the A Beautiful Mess blog. Elsie uses it there to add handwriting onto her photos. I love that idea, but what I love more is the control it gives.

I’m now able to pin point almost exactly where I want the edits to the photos I want. I can use this in my Photoshop program and do whatever! Isn’t that great!

Unfortunately, there’s somewhat of a learning curve to this thing, and I’m pretty much sucky with it right now. But, hey! More of a reason to get out there and practice, huh?

I love it so far. But what I love the most about it is that my husband got it for me. My husband is so beyond supportive in this. God, how did I get to be so lucky?