I’m in my dark place. And I went here willingly. I think.

I’d like to say it crept up on me, but I know it didn’t. I think I’ve been pushing it away a lot more than I even realized, and then it just exploded out of no where. And the trigger to it this time? It’s so petty, so stupid, so…MEAN GIRLS STYLE. It’s…I don’t even…I feel ridiculous for letting it get to me. But it keeps gnawing.

I deactivated my Facebook.

That’s one of the best options to ever have, to deactivate a social networking profile. A lot of people just by pass it, and never log on. I end that shit. I’m not so good with temptation.

My main reason for deactivating was simple. I can’t handle seeing people bitch and moan about how their life sucks, how they’re miserable, yadda yadda yadda, but in the same breath have SO many other people drop their own shit to help them. I don’t understand where the sense of entitlement is coming from, but I know that people are getting stomped all over after it’s said and done. These “entitled” people, they’re so beyond ungrateful for everything. It’s disgusting. It’s a surefire way to lose faith in humanity. And the people who drop their own shit to help?

That might as well be me. It always is.

Now. the scenario that finally made me chuck my Facebook the deuces for an unknown period of time didn’t necessarily directly effect me. That being said, my eyes have recently been opened up to just how many “fair-weather friends” I have. And I hate it. They’re only around when it’s beneficial for them, but as soon as something leaves my lips about the potential of needing help, POOF. Gone. You can’t get ahold of them, they don’t get back to you. They’re gone.

But the next day they need something, you can bet they’re getting ahold of me. Even if that means blowing up every alert they can on me. 

I’m…I’m so sick of being there as the expendable one. For once, I’d really like it if someone actually appreciated that I’m more than willing to go above and beyond for someone that means something to me. I bend over backwards for the wrong people, and the sad part is I don’t ever think it’ll change. Ever. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. 

But screw it. 

I’ll still be posting on here with different recipes and whatnots, though I’m not sure how frequently they’ll be. We have a full summer happening, and I want to spend it with my kids, the ones who actually appreciate the things I do for them.


About The Ninja

Mother, wife, pet owner, ninja.
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4 Responses to Hiatus.

  1. Jane clegg says:

    I understand where you are coming from and I have got rid of my face book page as,well I have for the last twenty odd years,like you have bent over backwards and helped so call friends.i in the last six weeks had a mental breakdown and as you said phoooooof no one wants to know me and even won’t creak to me.so well done getting rid of Facebook and get on with your family and screw the friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Best wishes. Janeb

    • The Ninja says:

      Thank you! I’m glad I’m not the only one (which sounds..well, kind of wrong haha!) that’s had to deal with this. Nothing makes you feel more alone than the friends you thought you had just ignoring you when you try to help them whenever you possibly can.

  2. kymi says:

    Oh man! I have to start commenting on here now instead of leaving you a love note on your Facebook. Good job Rachel! Facebook makes me so mad sometimes. Well it used to. I hit tired of seeing all the negative posts on peoples statuses. They were so unhappy but were never willing to change anything. It got old…so I deleted a lot of people. I didn’t deactivate my profile only because I have friends from the different states I’ve lived in and family all over the world. I’m proud of you! I hope you have an amazing summer with the kids!

    • The Ninja says:

      Haha Kymi! I love your face! I debated just deleting the people that needed to get deleted, but unfortunately deleting a few of them would’ve caused even more drama and I’m just sick of it lol. It’s a bummer, because I have a lot of friends back in Pennsylvania that I still talk to, and friends that are all over the place with the military, and the husband’s family in California, and Facebook is just about the only way to update them on the kids and such, but I’m sure I’ll be back eventually. I just really need the break from it all, you know? Like, I know life sucks, and I know not everyone is great (someone told me once “everyone has something good about them, even if it means they’re just a good whistler”) but it got to the point where just about every post I saw was how life was horrible and blah blah blah. But the people who get everything given to them, more or less, and STILL complain that they want more? Those pushed me to the edge and I knew if I didn’t do something I was going to snap on everyone. So not worth it.

      And speaking of summer with the kids, we should arrange a park get together with them since we have no school to worry about for the next couple months!

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