I’m in my dark place. And I went here willingly. I think.
I’d like to say it crept up on me, but I know it didn’t. I think I’ve been pushing it away a lot more than I even realized, and then it just exploded out of no where. And the trigger to it this time? It’s so petty, so stupid, so…MEAN GIRLS STYLE. It’s…I don’t even…I feel ridiculous for letting it get to me. But it keeps gnawing.
I deactivated my Facebook.
That’s one of the best options to ever have, to deactivate a social networking profile. A lot of people just by pass it, and never log on. I end that shit. I’m not so good with temptation.
My main reason for deactivating was simple. I can’t handle seeing people bitch and moan about how their life sucks, how they’re miserable, yadda yadda yadda, but in the same breath have SO many other people drop their own shit to help them. I don’t understand where the sense of entitlement is coming from, but I know that people are getting stomped all over after it’s said and done. These “entitled” people, they’re so beyond ungrateful for everything. It’s disgusting. It’s a surefire way to lose faith in humanity. And the people who drop their own shit to help?
That might as well be me. It always is.
Now. the scenario that finally made me chuck my Facebook the deuces for an unknown period of time didn’t necessarily directly effect me. That being said, my eyes have recently been opened up to just how many “fair-weather friends” I have. And I hate it. They’re only around when it’s beneficial for them, but as soon as something leaves my lips about the potential of needing help, POOF. Gone. You can’t get ahold of them, they don’t get back to you. They’re gone.
But the next day they need something, you can bet they’re getting ahold of me. Even if that means blowing up every alert they can on me.
I’m…I’m so sick of being there as the expendable one. For once, I’d really like it if someone actually appreciated that I’m more than willing to go above and beyond for someone that means something to me. I bend over backwards for the wrong people, and the sad part is I don’t ever think it’ll change. Ever. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it.
But screw it.
I’ll still be posting on here with different recipes and whatnots, though I’m not sure how frequently they’ll be. We have a full summer happening, and I want to spend it with my kids, the ones who actually appreciate the things I do for them.